You know you're addicted to coffee when...

  • You can jump start your car without cables.
  • You answer the door before people knock.
  • You get a speeding ticket even when you are parked.
  • You've worn out your third pair of shoes this week.
  • Your eyes stay open even when you sneeze.
  • You grind coffee beans in your mouth.
  • You can type sixty words per minute -- with your feet.
  • You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
  • You sleep with your eyes open.
  • You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
  • Instant coffee takes too long to make.
  • You channel surf faster without the remote.
  • You don't sweat... you percolate.
  • You short out motion detectors.
  • You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
  • You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
  • All your kids are named Joe.
  • Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
  • People get dizzy just watching you.
  • Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
  • The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
  • The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
  • When someone asks 'How are you?' you say, 'Good to the last drop'.
  • You buy milk by the barrel.
  • You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
  • You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
  • You can't even remember your second cup.
  • You chew on other people's fingernails.
  • You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
  • You don't get mad, you get steamed.
  • You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
  • You don't tan, you roast.
  • You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
  • You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
  • You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
  • You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
  • You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
  • You help your dog chase its tail.
  • You introduce your spouse as your coffee mate.
  • You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
  • You lick your coffeepot clean.
  • You name your cats Cream and Sugar.
  • You ski uphill.
  • You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
  • You speed-walk in your sleep.
  • You spend every vacation visiting Maxwell House.
  • You think being called a drip is a compliment.
  • You think CPR stands for Coffee Provides Resuscitation.
  • You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
  • Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
  • Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
  • Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
  • Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
  • Your only source of nutrition comes from Sweet & Low.
  • Your taste buds are so numb; you could drink your lava lamp.
  • Your thermos is on wheels.
  • You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
  • You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
  • You've worn out the handle on your favourite mug.
  • You take your morning coffee with you in the shower.
  • Your heart beats noticeably faster as a reaction to the smell of coffee.
  • You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to coffee.

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