Say Aprell

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The time of concern is over.

No longer am I asked how I am doing.

Never is the name of our daughter mentioned to me.

A curtain descends; the moment has passed.

A life slips from frequent recall.

There are exceptions: Close and compassionate friends, sensitive and loving family.

For most, the drama is over.

The spotlight is off. Applause is silent.

But for me the play will never end.

The effects on me are timeless.

Say Aprell to me.

On the stage of my life she has been both lead and supporting actor.

Do not tiptoe around the greatest event of my life.

Love does not die. Her name is written on my life.

The sound of her voice plays within my mind.

You feel she is dead.

I feel she is of the dead, and still she lives.

She ghostwalks my soul, beckoning in future welcome.

You say she was my daughter; I say she is.

Say Aprell to me and Aprell again.

It hurts to bury her memory in silence.

What she was in flesh lies tucked in an urn far away.

What she is in spirit stirs within me always.

She is of my past but she is part of my now.

She is my hope for the future.

You say not to remind me.

How little you understand I cannot forget.

I would not if I could.

I understand you, but feel pain in being forced to do so.

I forgive you, because you cannot know.

And I would forgive you anyway.

I accept how you see me.

But understand that you see me not at all.

I strive not to judge you, for yesterday I was like you.

But I wish you could understand that I dwell both in flesh and spirit.

The mystery is that you do too, but know it not.

I do not ask you to walk this road.

The ascent is steep and the burden heavy.

I walk it not by choice.

I would rather walk with her in flesh.

Looking not to spirit roads beyond.

I am what I have to be.

What I have lost you cannot feel.

What I have gained you cannot see.

And I would not have you.

Say Aprell for she is alive in me.

She and I will meet again, though in many ways we have never parted.

She and her life play light songs on my mind,

Sunrises and sunsets on my dreams.

She is real and shadow, was and is.

Say Aprell to me and say Aprell again.

She is my daughter and I love her as I always did.

Say Aprell.


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4:27 PM 21-04-98